


Your Hand around my Wrist

by QueenPotatos



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M, RinharuWeek Day 5, angst with happy ending, soulmark, soulmate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-24 07:26:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17096381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenPotatos/pseuds/QueenPotatos
Summary: From the moment it appeared, he had hated it.It followed him everywhere, it'd follow him anywhere.The mark would never go away.Haru thought he was the prisoner of his own fate.And yet, when they finally met-





	Your Hand around my Wrist

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for a short mention of self harm but with not intention of self harming I know it's weird but you'll see what I'm talking about quickly. (it's like a couple of lines in the middle of the fic)
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy it, I tried to make thing a bit different this time !

* * *

## Your hand around my wrist.

 

 

The first conversation they share is, in hindsight, rather disappointing.

“Are you Nanase Haruka?”

The voice runs on him like a lover’s caress, the kind of warmth he hates and avoided all his life. Nonetheless Haru’s steps halt on their own. Before his mind processes, his body knows who he is talking to and Haru enrages without understanding why. He turns around and uses the little bit of control he has left to do so very slowly, and to reduce his heartbeat to his regular pace. He dreamed and dreaded this moment since he had seen the mark on his wrist, but as expected of life things never turn out the way you want them to be.

He’s not surprised he finds the guy attractive – they are soulmates, after all, whether he likes it or not, regardless of how annoyed he feels when their eyes meet – but it’s the way he is dressed that catches him off-guard. A swimming jacket, a sport bag and goggles around his neck, a cap on his head and are these even real teeth? He’s a swimmer, just like him. And since Haru owns the same jacket it means they are going to see each other a whole lot more than what Haru would have liked.

He can’t help but think the whole situation sucks.

“I’m Matsuoka Rin. I’m your soulmate.”

The softest smile, the warm eyes, everything with this guy sends shivers of disgust down his spine. How dare he say that with such confidence, as if it was an absolute truth just as simple as 1 + 1 = 2? Humans are way more complex than numbers, at least Haru likes to think he is. He could have the dignity to give him the benefit of a doubt before stating something as important as that.

His soulmate’s smile widens before Haru has the chance to open his mouth to put him in his place. “It’s so good to finally see you,” he blurts out, beaming with happiness like Haru is the holy grail or something, “You can’t imagine how I have longed to see you.”

But he can, thank you very much; after all Haru is nearly twenty and his soulmate doesn’t look so much younger, it’s actually kind of late to meet your soulmate according to the national statistics. Haru has never bothered to look for Rin in first place, but after he gives it a thought he wonders why Rin never tried to reach him before.

“Look, I know it’s pretty sudden, but before we start anything I have something to tell you.”

Haru hates how certain of the scheme of life he sounds, hates even more that he just stops smiling and hates himself for realizing it.

“I have something I need to do before I can be with you. I have a dream, and I’m this close to succeeding-“ he gestures his hand in front of him, his eyes set on the small space between his thumb and forefinger strongly enough to burn them with determination. “I won’t be able to be fully with you until this is all over. So, I’m sorry to ask you this but, can you wait for me?”

He wants his fists to curl into balls and his lips to bite back that he had never been waiting for anything coming from him. He does none of those things. His soulmate is smiling but his eyes aren’t, they are sad and it’s the kind of expression he had never seen on someone’s face before and it’s overwhelming.

Too Bittersweet.

“I guess I’ll see you around.” He says with that same smile.

He passes by him to the swimming pool, his bag hitting his own. And it’s not until Rin is out of his sight that he realizes he hadn’t said a single word.

And that despite his tremendous effort he remembers his name. Rin. He’ll never be able to forget it.

.

.

.

Haru was 5 when he first saw it. At first it was a light, greyish mark inside his wrist, the size of coin and no matter how much he washed his hands the mark wouldn’t leave. He tossed the idea aside for a couple of years until, eventually, his parents caught him with his hand emerged in bleach and they had to take him to the hospital.

The red corrosion hid the mark for some times but his parents asked questions – now, all of a sudden, he wondered why – and at first, Haru didn’t fully understand why they looked so delighted at the sight of the mark. It had grown with the years, to the point where Haru wondered if it was some kind of disease and was slowly dying but judging by his parents' reaction, it was quite the opposite.

Except he would have rather die.

“I can’t believe it! A soulmate! Can you imagine?”

His mother kissed him for three days straight. He saw his father crying out of joy for the first and only time. He had no idea why.

“That means that you will never be alone.” His mother told him.

Why were they so happy about it? Haru liked being alone. Or at least it didn’t bother him.

He asked his grandma, that was when he understood, that was when he realized he was trapped. Someone had chosen the path of his life for him and he loathed the idea.

“Why are you so angry?” Makoto asked him. They were playing in the sandbox, well, they had been and now they were lying on the ground watching the clouds moving above their heads. Somehow Haru felt guilty, because Makoto would have loved to have a soulmate, and would have been better at it than Haru would ever be.

“Isn’t it reassuring to know you have someone waiting for you, somewhere? That you don’t have to look for it?” Makoto went on, his hand grasping his shirt. “It’s something else you have to worry about.”

Haru looked at him, who was anxiously looking at the changing sky. Makoto's parents were soulmates. He hadn’t known anything else than pure love under his roof. He faced the clouds again.

“It’s the same as being chained to someone. You don’t have a choice. What if I don’t want to be with my soulmate?”

“The point of the soulmate is that you will want to be with them.”

“The point is,” Haru sat up, his fists curled into balls, “I don’t want someone to choose for me.”

Makoto smiled despite Haru’s harsh tone. “You want to be free, don’t you?”

It seemed so obvious to him that Haru didn’t say anything back. He lied back on the sand, watched the clouds run in the sky and wondered if he would ever be as free as them again now that the mark on his wrist tied him to someone else. He hated it. From this moment, Haru decided no one would ever tie him down. The mark must be a mistake. He’d forget about it for as long as he could until fate would bite back his ass, and by that time Haru would be ready to counterattack.

.

.

.

Despite his efforts and traps, and thanks to what he would call an very much uncalled twist of fate, Haru meets Rin on regular basis and they have started what could be called a certain routine. They both live in the same neighborhood, go to the same university, and swim at the same swimming pool, though not for the same reasons.

“Everything feels so forced, you know.”

“You still have trouble with the idea of soulmates.” Makoto tells him over the phone. He can hear he’s making dinner with one hand and holding the phone with the other. He would usually ask him to call back later when he’s done but Haru needs the frustration in his veins to evaporate somewhere else, and this place often finds itself be one of Makoto’s ears.

“What was he doing at the pool?”

“Swimming,” Haru says flatly.

He hears Makoto laugh. “I figured he wasn’t there to knit you a sweater. Or is he? Already? Matching sweater.”

Haru rolls his eyes. “He’s going for the National Team. He wants to be an Olympic champion.”

Makoto puts the spoon back on the table. “Does it mean you actually had a conversation with him?”

“Yes, I did.” Haru sighs, “But I didn’t need to. He talks very loud to everyone he meets. And he tells everyone we are soulmates.”

“I guess the children must be really envious.”

Haru thought the classes he teaches would be uninterested in the matter – after all how could you focus on something else than water during swimming practice? – but half of his pupils proved him wrong the next day. Girls are the worst. They had always wondered about the mark on his wrist, which is growing more and more since he met Rin, but they had never dared to ask before today.

_“How did you know?”_

_“How does it feel?”_

_“Why aren’t you smiling, shouldn’t you be happy? You’re a lucky person.”_

Everything he had been told since he was 7 sound just as annoying as it was at that time. Why people couldn’t shut up about it and mind their own business? Their idea of happiness doesn’t match his, and he refuses to be forced into their perfect romance mould. He’ll need to thank Rin later for that.

“He watched me, too.” Haru says. He’s lying on his back in his bedroom, waiting for 8 PM to come. “I saw him sitting on the bleachers.”

“Did you swim with him?”

“Yeah…” Haru admits, and he can easily picture Makoto’s grin on the other side of the phone. “Just once.” He quickly adds. “He’s good. I think he can make it.”

“Of course he’s good.” Because he is Haru’s soulmate, that’s probably what he thinks but doesn’t say not to rub him the wrong way.

“I’m not going to fall for him.”

“Why are you saying that?”

“Because that’s what you’re thinking. That I’m already falling, that it’s just like you said so many years ago.”

“You’re the one talking, not me.”

There’s a knock on Haru’s door, it’s not 8 PM yet, he’s early. “Talk to you later.”

He doesn’t wait for Makoto’s goodbye to jump on his feet and greet Rin. He has tied up his hair again – one day he had asked Haru how he felt about it and he had somehow replied it looked good on him and since that day Rin had always tied up his hair before meeting Haru, and he’s puzzled as for why he does that every time now – and he wears that awfully stylish t-shirt with fancy shoes and a tight jean that makes him look too good. Not that it matters, since Haru barely cares for fashion anyway.

“Are you hungry?” Rin invites himself in with an easy smile and walks to the kitchen. He bought mackerel once again and they cook together in silence. The fish is delicious thanks to Haru’s perfect cooking control and Rin’s seasoning. They both fell on the couch to watch a movie before Rin leaves, and then the next day everything starts over again.

 

“Are you dating already?”

Saturdays are ‘Rin free’ days, he decides, but his friends – especially Nagisa - seem to struggle with the notion. It’s been a month or so, he can’t really remember, since they officially met. Most soulmate are married by this time if they are old enough to.

“Did you at least hold his hand?”

“No.”

Nagisa looks scandalized as he bites on his straw. “But what are you waiting for?”

Haru puts back his drink too hastily on the table, nearly knocking out a few of his other friends’ drink in the process. That’s exactly what’s been annoying the hell out of him for the past month – years actually. Expectations. Why can’t even his friends leave him alone with that?

“It’s not…I don’t want to date him. He’s lucky I even talk to him. We don’t have that much in common except swimming anyway.”

“How’s he like?”

Haru hates how Makoto starts to smile at Nagisa’s innocent question, as if he knew already how embarrassing the whole thing is going to be.

“Annoying. Has no idea of what personal space means. He invites himself over to eat and watch a bad movie and ends up sleeping on my couch half of the time.”

“Is he handsome?”

“Didn’t notice.”

That’s a lie. He doesn’t care he finds Rin handsome or not, truth be told he’s a fucking eye candy and it does not matter at all but he feels the need to lie and Haru isn’t sure why.

“He’s pretty attractive,” that comes as a surprise from Makoto’s mouth. Haru stares up at his best friend, bemused, when did they meet? “I’ve seen him last week before we went to that tempura restaurant near your place.” Makoto explains as if he could read into his head. “He was watching you from the bleachers like you told me.”

“How do you know it was him?” He says with a voice that doesn’t quite sound like him, too much on the defensive.

Makoto replies with his benevolent laugh and Haru knows already he is going to regret his words.

“By the way he looks at you. It’s obvious.”

Haru curses at the unwanted heat colouring his cheeks. He hates it. He never asks for this.

The next time Rin observes him from the bleachers Haru tries to look at him, just to see what Makoto really meant, and why he had felt a bit dizzy after hearing his words. He shouldn’t have. Rin’s gaze hits him like a trunk at full speed on the highway and drags him for a couple of kilometres. His heartbeat accelerates just like those times were they have raced – it was not just once, that was another lie – and for the first time it’s, as Makoto had told, obvious.

Rin is in love.

For obscures reasons, Haru is short of breath when his lesson ends.

.

.

.

They met Rei and Nagisa in middle school. It was maybe the only good thing that had happened to him thanks to the mark.

“What happened? Did you hurt yourself?”

Rei was the class rep and oddly Nagisa followed him everywhere. Haru used to hide his mark under a thick bandage, thinking people would leave him alone. They didn’t. At least, these two didn’t. That’s how they became friends after a long way and thanks to Makoto’s holy patience. They came up with the story of how he burnt his wrist while making hot tea for his grandmother – that was Rei’s idea, Nagisa had written a 30 pages scenario with a haunted house and a fuming corpse grasping his wrist.

At that time, who would have thought Nagisa was the closest to the truth?

Apart from his most treasured friendships, his years in middle school was punctuated with hormonal changes and crushes of all kind, as any normal middle school mix classes. And then, it happened.

“Look! I have one!”

There was this girl in the class who had a mark on her leg, the same Haru had on the wrist. Except it was not really the same. The colour was different, the shape, the placement and yet everyone knew it was a soulmate mark.

The girl was rather pretty, even Makoto looked down when she showed it to whoever wanted – or not – to see.

“Ah, see? Now I can almost all date you,” she said one day, “Because I know none of you will be my husband. No more pressure if it’s all for fun!”

Haru didn’t understand it. Wasn’t the principle of soulmates the exact opposite of what she was saying?

One day, she spoke to him behind the school.

“Show me.” She ordered.

Without further details he removed the bandage from his wrist. He already knew they weren’t compatible, but she had no idea herself.

“How did you know?” he asked.

“I felt it. I don’t really know why. I figured you didn’t have a burn or something because it doesn’t seem to hurt when you move your wrist. But even before that, the moment the mark appeared I felt you were different.”

Aki, that was her name, made a lot of research about soulmates, why some people were blessed – Haru didn’t agree with the term but got along anyway – why they appeared on important place of your body, how the shape was unique to every soulmate and usually had a personal meaning, and that the intensity of the mark varied according to the owner’s feelings.

“I don’t know why it’s on my leg. What does it mean? Maybe I’ll break my leg and meet him thanks to that?”

Haru looked at his wrist for a long time that night. The mark was small and grey.

Aki dated half of the class by the time they reached high school.

By the time he reached high school, Haru decided to get rid of it.

.

.

.

Haru drags his feet to the meeting place. “This is a terrible idea.”

Makoto finds his pout adorable. “It’s not. It’s…healthy? It’s been months.”

“And?”

“And the fact that you’re still talking to him means a lot?”

Haru sends him a dark glare, enough to kill anyone who wouldn’t know better. Haru knows very well why this is going to be a terrible day, and it’s not because he’s not going to enjoy it. He fears the exact opposite, and he isn’t sure he can hide it to Makoto if he’s even failing to lure himself.

“Just for you know, we’re not dating.”

“I know.”

“Nagisa will ask and it’s going to be awkward.”

Rin is waiting by the fountain, relaxed, dressed to impress with a night shirt and his favourite necklace. He even puts some perfume. He smiles when he sees them coming. Haru walks ahead to meet him.

“Hel-“

“What are you doing? It’s just my…friends, why did you dress up like that?”

“-lo. Woa. I’m fine thank you.”

Haru rolls his eyes. He’s nervous. He feels responsible because Rin is his fucking soulmate.

“You have no idea of all the shit I’ll do when I meet your parents.”

Haru kicks his ankle. Rin laughs. Rin’s laughs are sweat. Haru hates them, so he kicks him again to make him stop before Makoto joins them.

They do nothing out of the ordinary. They go to the cinema, in a coffee shop, Nagisa buys some candies and before they know it the sky is dark and everyone needs to go home. Nagisa is talking with Rei and Haru while Rin and Makoto are busy with what seems to be a serious conversation that makes Haru’s stomach hurt a bit. More precisely, the face Rin wears after he comes back from that talk is enough to make him skip dinner.

The buzzing from his phone the minute they take separate paths is another sigh of a soon to be chaotic situation. Makoto only spams when he panics.

When Rin stops at his floor and doesn’t follow him upstairs Haru looks at his texts.

_I’m sorry_

_I think you need to talk to him_

_I maybe freaked him out_

_But_

_It’s maybe for the best_

_I dunno_

_Up to you_

_But talk to him_

_Sorry again_

Haru closes his entrance door with his back and leans against it. He types back, ‘What did you tell him?’ and waits for a reply, that comes immediately.

_He’s serious about the soulmate thing. I thought you would have told him you weren’t._

_Who told you I wa-_

He stops writing. That was close.

Haru gazes to the ceiling. That’s why Rin is upset. And the fact that he learned him from someone else didn’t make it any easier. He closes his eyes, sees the way he looked at him from the bleachers…he needs to apologize.

Haru takes whatever is left in his fridge and walks to Rin’s floor, before realizing he has never been in Rin’s place and doesn’t even know which door he must knock on. He feels bad for it. He’s terrible at being a soulmate. He knew he would suck from the early age, but he never thought he would actually care about it until he met Rin.

He calls him and directs his feet where he hears Rin’s ringing.

“Rin?” He calls, because after all he isn’t sure. Rin can be in someone’s else place to eat dinner, not that he likes the idea but it’s still a possibility.

“Comin’”

Haru refrains a gasp when he sees how red his eyes are. He already feels like hiding behind the door when he hasn’t set a foot in yet. There’s an uneasy silence that feels way too long, probably because it’s usually Rin that starts the conversation and that at the moment he’s busy trying not to show his voice is cracked because of how much he cried. Because of him.

“…Dinner?” He says, showing the bag he bought with him.

Rin smiles – he still does – almost shyly, which is not like him at all, and lets him in.

Perhaps Haru broke him. The idea terrifies him.

They cook in silence like always, but it’s not the same. Rin is distant, he’s not looking at him and amazingly Haru still feels like he’s being hit by a trunk, but for all the bad reasons.

Instead of watching a movie they sit on Rin’s couch and Haru breaks the ice. The sooner the better.

“Talk to me.”

Rin laughs but it’s not his laugh. It’s someone else, someone who is unhappy. Rin can’t be unhappy.

“What did he tell you about me?”

Rin pinches the top of his nose. It’s plain obvious he’s hurt and doesn’t want to talk, but they aren’t going anywhere if he doesn’t. Plus, he let him in, so he obviously knew how it would end.

“That…that you never wanted this. Never wanted me.”

Despite knowing exactly what Rin was going to say Haru finds himself short of answers. Because it’s all true. He had never wanted to be marked.

“It’s more complicated than that.”

The sinister laugh again. “I don’t think it is.”

He had never seen him like this, all shadow and darkness when Rin is the most dazzling being he had had the chance to meet. Always smiling with his heart, warmth voice, sweat laugh and a determination that knows no equal; it’s all the opposite that sits next to him tonight. Rejection. How does it feel to be rejected by your own soulmate?

Haru tries to take his hand at loss of what to do. Rin pushes him away.

“Don’t. Be sincere.”

“I was.”

That’s not a lie for once.

“Do you have any idea of what I’ve been through these past months? I…the day I found out I had this-“ Rin pulls on the hem of his shirt and reveals his own mark on the crook of his neck, an almost circled shape Haru can’t quite see from the darkness of the room, “was the best day in my life. I had spent days and days imagining how it would be to meet my soulmate, the butterflies in my stomach, the look in the other’s eyes when they’ll realize, how we would be married in the week and have such a lovely life ahead of us. And, then…”

And then, he met him, Haru thinks, and their first meeting replays in his head and he can’t begin to imagine how shitty Rin must have found him.

“…And then, my father died.”

He surely didn’t expected this.

He had no idea.

All this months they spent most of their time together, and they had, in fact, never really talked. Only domestic evening, heated races, stolen looks and, and, and that was it. It must have been so underwhelming for Rin.

“He wanted to be a Olympic swimmer, but because he had me he had to give up on his dream, and he found a job. He died a couple of years after I got the mark.” Rin tells, and as the tears flow he accepts Haru’s hand, and his fingers brushing past his cheeks to clean the tears away. “I…I…was so torn. I wanted to fulfill the dream he never could because of me, but I…I knew looking for my soulmate will slow me down because of how much of a romantic shit I am…I knew I wouldn’t be able to fight on both side.”

Rin made a choice at a very young age. Pretty much like Haru did, he ignored the mark but while Haru had acted out of selfishness, Rin had done it out of love and respect for his father and his dream. Haru felt his guts sinking deeper and deeper into the abyss of shame. Rin deserves better than him.

It’s unfair. Life is so unfair.

“I devoted my life to swimming. I left everything and everyone behind, my family, my friends…you,” he struggles to say, “I went studying aboard, in Australia, I really went out of my way…and when I came back, all I could feel was you.”

Haru straightens his back, but Rin is looking at anything but him.

“I have spent so many days and nights thinking about who my soulmate was, I had a scene in my head, the perfect words I wanted to say, I knew them by heart and then, when I entered the swimming pool I felt your presence. My heart stopped for a second, because I didn’t know what to do. I was so close to my dream but you were also so close to me, what should I do? I wanted to see you so badly, but I also wanted to avoid you…the least I could do, I told myself, was to explain why I was taking so long to find you.” Rin sniffs, puts a brand of hair behind his ear. “That was bullshit of course. I just wanted to see you and I was making excuses. I ran after you. I found it weird that you didn’t feel me at first, but now I understand.”

Haru looks down. He felt him, he knew what was coming, but he chose to ignore it until Rin hit him in the face with his smile.

“But I knew I made the good choice when I looked at your eyes.” Rin says, and the softness in his voice make Haru looks up to him and his eyes, looking back at his, shine with something else than tears. He has never look more beautiful than now, hair down and tangled, red eyes and love all over his face. Rin cups his cheeks with the palm of his hands, runs his thumbs under his bottom lids. “You’re mesmerizing. When I looked at you my mind went blank and I forgot all the lines I had learned by heart.”

Haru remembers how genuinely happy he had looked that day. He had no idea…he had never wondered…because he didn’t care.

Yet Haru let Rin in. Yet he swam with him. Yet…Haru enjoyed the time they spent together more than he’s willing to admit. No, he knows now, because when he sees Rin crumbling in his arms, he knows he cares.

“I thought I could hang out with you until we’ll do all sort of lovey-dovey stuff that would prevent me from swimming seriously but that time never came, and I didn’t know if I should start to worry or just enjoy the time I was allowed at your side. But unfortunately I was right. I can’t fight on both sides. My times aren’t enough yet.”

Haru wraps his arms around Rin’s back and strokes him through the fabric of his shirt. He feels his ribcage vibrates.

“Makoto told me you were bad at words and feelings.”

He settles his hand on Rin’s shoulder. “Unfortunately he’s often right about me.”

“So, I talked to you, didn’t I?” Rin pushes back to have a clear look of Haru’s face. “How about you do talk to me too?”

That’s the least he can do. Haru takes his hand from his shoulder to look at the mark on his wrist.

“I hated it the moment it appeared.” He starts. He waits for a reaction from Rin but he just nods, so he goes on. “I hated it, because I felt like my life was taken away from me. As if someone had already chosen for me. I wanted to have control of who I would end up my life with.”

Rin takes his wrist into his hand and runs his thumb over the mark, sending shivers on Haru’s skin. Rin looks up as if he had done something wrong, but to his surprise Haru finds the feeling enjoyable.

“It changed. It wasn’t like that the first time I met you.”

The mark is actually darker than Haru remembers it to be. They say it changes with the owner’s feelings. Haru takes his wrist out of Rin’s grip.

He’s not ready for that. He’s been running all his life. He doesn’t want to be tied.

“So basically, you see me as burden because you never asked to be with me in first place, and now we’re more or less an item and you hate the idea of being forced into something.”

Haru nods.

He feels Rin’s weight lightens from his lap. “But-“ he says before Rin gets up, “But, it was before I met you.” He blurts out in extremis. “You’re no a burden. I don’t hate you. I wouldn’t spent time with you if I thought you were.”

It’s not you, he wants to say, it’s the mark. It’s the idea of fate. It’s the fact that someone else is writing his story instead of him that is unbearable to him. Not Rin.

Actually it has never been Rin.

On the contrary.

“So, what are we? If you don’t want to be my soulmate, what are we?”

Rin gets on his feet to pour himself a glass of fresh water, to leave Haru some needed time to think. He’s still too confused to answer Rin, and he knows that. He also knows what Rin wants, and it’s not something that suits him either.

“For my part,” Rin says after a minute or so of silence, “I’m in love with you. I don’t even know if I already told you because I thought it was obvious since we were soulmates.” The past tense hurts more than he thought it would. “But I don’t want to force yourself into anything. If you’re not ready, or if you don’t want any of this, ever, I won’t force you.”

How does it feel when your soulmate doesn’t want to be one?

Haru joins Rin in the kitchen and hugs him, his head secured in the crock of his neck.

“I’m not ready,” he mumbles against his skin.

He hears Rin sigh heavily next to him. “Okay, okay.” He says after a pause.

These are the last words they speak of the night. They remain in each other’s embraces for a while, before Haru opens his eyes and sees Rin’s mark just a couple of centimetres away and he can’t help but think it’s the exact shape of his lips.

He acts as a reflex, that’s how he justifies himself the next day to Makoto.

Rin’s skin is warm and soft. He wouldn’t mind kissing his mark once more, if Rin lets him do.

.

.

.

Makoto stopped him just a second before the blade touched his skin.

“Are you mad?? What are you doing?”

He couldn’t get rid of the mark. No matter what he used, bleach, alcohol, and it grew wider and wider every day.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to cut off my hand, I won’t be able to do anything if I do and the mark will win.” He told Makoto calmly, but his friends was panicking like crazy. “I’m just cutting in the skin to take it off. I’ll have a scar but it’s still better than the mark.”

Makoto took the blade out of his hands in the speed of light. But he wouldn’t be there every time. His grandmother had just passed away, there was no one at home to look after him, he was free to do whatever he wanted.

He tried once again, and then he stopped.

The flesh underneath the skin was dark too. He had never screamed so loudly in his early life.

“I’m just sick of it!! Why are you all looking at me as if I was lucky? I am not happy with this! If you want it, then take it!”

His parents said he was upset with his grandmother passing, but they were wrong. He was mad at fate. Endpoint.

The next night, Haru had a dream, so strong and so real he had always wondered if it hadn’t happened, if it wasn’t some sort of magic trick only soulmates could do. He was alone in the dark, a knife in his hand ready to cut the other. He was ready. He wanted to get rid of the mark.

Get rid of his other half.

But then a voice stopped him. Someone invisible shouted a desperate ‘NO’ from behind and Haru dropped the knife. He felt a hand holding his wrist as if its life depended on it.

“Please, don’t erase me.” The voice pleaded.

He woke up with a start, the mark on his wrist burning like it had never done before. And for the first time, Haru figured out what the strange shape of his mark was, for he still felt it as if the hand was still holding his wrist.

It was the voice’s thumb.

.

.

.

Someone is knocking when it’s not even dawn. For a moment Haru thinks something bad happened – to his parents, Makoto, the twins – but it turns out it’s Rin. With a cap on his head and a traveling bag on his back.

His eyes, red and shining, are free of tears. He looks determined again, and Haru sighs in relief for all the good reasons.

“I’m going back to Australia.” Is the first thing he says. Because it’s so early Haru doesn’t get immediately that he means, right now, and not in a near future or even next week or tomorrow, but like, this morning.

“Is it…because of last week?” Because of what I said? Because of what I couldn’t say?

“Part is, but…I’m mostly following my own path. You opened my eyes on a lot of things this night, what you said about fate, about how you felt like you weren’t deciding for yourself…I haven’t realized it was the same for me.” Rin looks straight in his eyes. “Thank you.”

His words leave Haru speechless. On the other hand, Rin’s face is calmed and relaxed. There is no more sign of sadness or anger like it had before. Haru has the feeling that whatever will happen to him, Rin will be alright.

“I don’t feel like I should be thanked.” He tells him, still a bit sleepy.

“But I feel like it. And, I also wanted to apologize…” Haru frowns, definitely not understanding what Rin is doing. “I took you for granted. I…I’ve acted as if, you know, as if you were like me, really into the soulmate thing but I never asked you how you felt about it…I’m sorry if, at times, I imposed myself on you. I never meant to.”

Haru smiles, bittersweet, “It was a bit annoying at first but…in hindsight, I’m glad you did.”

Rin beams, “Really?” It seems he didn’t expect it. “Then I’m glad as well.”

He takes courage to look at Rin right now, he’s radiant and nothing but beautiful. Haru finds himself admiring his determination and all the obstacle he overcomes easily to get to his goal. To think for a time, Haru had been his goal.

“Haru…can I ask you something again?”

Haru rubs his eyes as the sun appears behind Rin’s back. “Sure.”

He gasps when Rin takes him in his arms.

“I’ll be gone for roughly a year, but I’ll come back for you.” He says. “I’ll come back and this time I’ll do things properly. I’ll make you choose me.” Rin takes his face into his hands, his eyes set on him solely. “So wait for me, please. I’ll court you like no one ever did and you’ll have no option but to fall for me.”

Haru can’t refrain the curl of his lips, but he doesn’t hate himself for it, he no longer does.

 

“He’s gone??? To Australia??? Like…the country???”

Haru rolls his eyes. Sure, that was a bit sudden…Makoto must feel guilty about it.

“He’s going to swim with his old coach. Say he had better chance of making it to the top there than here.”

“How do you feel about it?”

Honestly, Haru still doesn’t know what to think about it. The thing he had dread all his life turned out better than anything expected. This is unsettling, because now Haru needs to reconsider a lot of what made him the man he is today.

But he had stopped hating it a couple of days ago.

“He needs to do what needs to be done. If it’s what he wants…”

“He’s free too, isn’t it?”

Makoto always knows what words to use to make Haru feel better. Haru has often wondered when Rin was staying at his place why on earth he had been chosen as his soulmate. Sure, they have more in common than meet the eyes, and Rin seems to find him attractive enough to forget how to use his tongue when he looks at his eyes; yet he couldn’t help but think there should be something more deep in their roots for god knows who to decide they were going to spend their lives together. His idea of freedom and Rin’s determination, they both inspired each other to bring out the best out of them.

“So, what are you gonna do?” Makoto asks him.

There are a couple of projects Haru has in store but never got the nerve to do. He doesn't like his course at university, he has always been good with his hands and manual works…he looks over his wrist. The shape has changed again, he can now see the full shadow of Rin’s hand around his wrist.

“I’ll wait.” He replies.

And so, he does.

.

.

.

Aki met her soulmate after she broke her leg like she predicted. They went to the same physiotherapist. Haru was invited to the wedding, but he didn’t go. He was 17 at that time.

.

.

.

Rin is back for the All Japan event. It started the day before and Rin has already swum in a few races only to miss the second place by a few milliseconds. Haru watches all his races, along with Makoto, Rei and Nagisa, who had taken the habit to crash on his couch without asking – they all know Haru needs them but will never ask himself, and he probably hasn’t realized yet he has stopped eating since Rin came back to Japan. Oddly, this time, he had felt it, the exact moment Rin was back; his wrist had burned but in a pleasant way, and a couple of minute later he had had a text and Haru had thought again of what Aki had told him so many years ago and his cheeks had turned red.

Rin won’t see him before he gets on the National Team, that’s the deal; so Haru will wait and encourages him the best he could. They wrote letters, calls were rare. They still aren’t dating, he makes sure everybody knows about it but the question doesn’t bother him as much as it did before.

He holds his breath when Rin’s last race starts. He holds it until his hand touches the line.

The whole gang cry and jump out of his couch, Nagisa’s arm around him the next second.

He made it.

Haru stares at the screen of his television for a whole minute not quite able to believe but also not surprised at all this just happened. If anyone could make it, it’s Rin.

He knocks on his door a couple of day after that. He’s more or less wearing the same outfit he wore before he left.

“Yo.”

It’s been a year. Haru is afraid to look straight at his smile, afraid it will burn him more than the mark on his wrist.

“Congratulation.” He says. He realizes looking at his eyes isn’t a good option either – looking at Rin, entirely is-

“I’m Matsuoka Rin. I’m a pro swimmer and I recently came back from Australia.”

Haru stops. What is he talking about? What’s gotten him?

“I don’t know a lot of people in the area,” Rin innocently turns his gaze around to prove his point. “And you seem like we could hang out, some time. I’ve heard you like swimming, we could have races together, don’t you think? Do you like watching movies? Let me guess what your favourite dish is.”

Rin closes his eyes shut and puts his forefinger between them.

“Rin, what are you doing?”

“Mackerel!”

“Of course- you are impossible. Come here.”

Haru leaves the door wide open while he walks back to the living room.

“No.”

He halts midway. Suddenly, Rin looks way more serious than when he was acting like a fool.

“I…I’m afraid I don’t understand.” Did something happen between his last letter and today? Did he do something wrong? Was it the victory that changed his plans drastically?

“I told you. I want to do things properly this time. So, no more step being ignored.” Rin isn’t smiling but his eyes are fired with determination and it’s all Haru needs to know things are going to be fine. “I still need to make you fall in love with me remember? So, first things first, let’s go on a date.”

“Now? Where?”

“The pool, what else? Swim with me. The winner chooses the next date.”

Haru rolls his eyes to hide a smile. He refuses to watch another movie starting Hugh Grant or Patrick Demsey, there’s no way he’s going to lose this one.

“Let me grab my stu-“

Rin takes his wrist into his hand. “No time for that. I already have a swimsuit for you in my bag. Come, Haru! The pool is closing in an hour!”

“Oi!!”

They run to the swimming pool, Rin leading ahead with his hand around his wrist, sending a warmth and dizzy feeling up to Haru’s head. He had never dreamed this soulmate to be like this, because he never had had enough imagination to even consider it to be something he would enjoy. Just running, by his side, his laugh filling his ears, following him around yes, fuck yes, he could very well fall in love just like this.

.

.

.

He had felt out of shape the moment his train brought him to Tokyo. Rin put it on the pollution, ignoring the buzzing on the crock of his neck. He rubbed the mark from time to time. After all, he couldn’t just forget about it when everyone could see him during training and races and came to him, asking, jealously seen on some faces, envy and joy on others. Soulmates’ marks elected all kind of reactions from people, more or less ugly depending on the person.

It bugged him a couple of day later when he registered at the local swimming pool. He was talking at the front desk, waiting for the guy to give him the change by looking behind the counter at the poster on the wall. Every instructor was listed with a face and a name.

Rin saw Nanase Haruka and yelped, his hand quickly covering his neck.

It fucking hurt.

“You okay?” The guy asked, looking more annoyed than concerned at the scene Rin just made.

It took him a moment to collect his thoughts and found back the staidness of his legs. His mark burned, it had never burned like that, his chest felt tightened and it was getting more difficult to breathe the air out of his chest. His arm fell flat against his side.

That was him. He was right there.

Rin couldn’t get what other people told him over the sound of his heart hammering in his chest, he couldn’t hear his own thought either. His heart spoke for him. Guided by his feelings his legs ran to where his heart told him to. Everything passed like a blur, other’s people faces, the long corridors, everything narrowed to one single human being that was standing a couple of meter away.

Rin saw his back and he knew.

He slowed down to catch his breath and put order in his head. He failed. It was too much of everything, like a firework, leaving sparkles everywhere behind him. His stomach was aching so much he was about to throw up.

He couldn’t feel his lips when they moved on their own.

“Are you Nanase Haruka?”

His soulmate turned around. Rin saw his blue eyes, endless like the depth of the ocean, clear and calm and beautiful and saw the surprise in them and how their pupils dilated when Haruka saw him for the first time.

Rin couldn’t help but smile.

.

.

.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This probably needs a good beta the changing of tense confused me. I think I manage to correct most of my mistakes but there are probably more left as I'm a bit tired as fuck at the end of the week. hope it was still enjoyable!


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